you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize