I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
