Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
