Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
