If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
