if only i could text you this smell
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
