I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
