That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
