There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
