guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
