if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
