I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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