So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
