I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
