i already hear my dad disowning me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
