you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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