he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sober January is a disaster.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
His nipple licking is glorious
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize