i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sorry about my life...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
