I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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