I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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