She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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