i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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