i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
