Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
