hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
