so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
