New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
