I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
