she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
