he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize