Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
