dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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