My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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