remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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