Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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