Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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