There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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