If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
