i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
