we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
