Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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