I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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