i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
