I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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