Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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