i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
