I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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