I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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