I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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