What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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