My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
