the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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