false alarm. still invincible.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
