Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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