Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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