The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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