She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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