Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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