I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
