Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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