found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize