how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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