Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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