dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
