About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
