Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
