fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
