'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she peed on how many people?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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