Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
