My first STD was from a foam party
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
