First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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