He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
