I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
